A Little Nonsense now and then...........

 .............is cherished by the wisest men.
Roald Dahl.



Funny Car Insurance Claims.

1. Three women were talking to each other and when two stepped back and one stepped forward I had to have an accident.

2. A bull was standing near and a fly must have tickled him because he gored my car.

3.  One wheel went into a ditch. My foot jumped from brake to accelerator pedal, leapt across the road to the other side and jumped into the trunk of a tree.

4. The water in my radiator accidentally froze at 12 midnight.

5. I was taking a friend home and keeping two yards from each lamp post which were in a straight line. Unfortunately, there was a bend in the road bringing the right-hand lamp post in line with the other and of course I landed in a ditch.

6. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven't got.

7. I can't give details of the accident as I was somewhat concussed at the time.

8. I blew my horn but it would not work as it was stolen.

9. I left my car unattended for a minute, and whether by accident or design it ran away..

10. I was proceeding along the road at moderate speed when another car rushed out of a side turning and turned upside down in a ditch. It was his fault as he said.

11  I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.

12. A car drove away at speed catching our client who went up in the air and his head went through the windscreen and then rolled off at the traffic lights a good few feet away. The car then sped off and miraculously our client remained conscious and managed to cross the road.

13. I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.


14. Three men approached me from the minibus. I thought they were coming to apologise. Two of the men grabbed hold of me by the arms, and the first slapped me several times across the face. I knee' d the man in the groin, but didn't connect properly, so I kicked him in the shin.

15. I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control..


16. Mr. X is in hospital and says I can use his car and take his wife while he is there. What shall I do about it?

17. I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.'

18. Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature?
A: I watch the Lottery Show and listen to Terry Wogan.

19. First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car.

20..'Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably Voodoo.

21. The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.

22. We had completed the turn and had just straightened the car when Miss X put her foot down hard and headed for the ladies' loo.

23. I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.

24. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in-law and headed over the embankment.