Friday, October 19, 2012

What Children say.............

When the driver stopped the school bus to pick up Chris for preschool, she noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" she asked. "Yes, "Chris said. "She's come to visit us." "How nice," the driver said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport." Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."

The mother returned from the grocery store, and her small daughter pulled out the box of animal crackers she had begged for. She spread the animal-shaped crackers all over the kitchen counter. "What are you doing?" her Mom asked. "The box says you can't eat them if the seal is broken," the girl explained. "I'm looking for the seal."

A man was pushing a cart in the supermarket - the cart contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert. Don't scream, Albert. Don't yell, Albert. Keep calm, Albert." A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son Albert." The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."

A three-year-old girl went with her dad to see a new litter of kittens. On returning home, she breathlessly informed her mother, "There were two boy kittens and two girl kittens." "How did you know that?" her mother asked. "Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," she replied. "I think it's printed on the bottom."

A Mom tells this: While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"

A five-year-old boy and his playmates had found a dead robin in the yard. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they got a small box with cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The five-year-old was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he had learned in Church. He said: "Glory be unto the Faaaather. And unto the Soonnn.......and into the hole he gooooes."

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"

The children in Sunday school class were being taught the concept of getting to heaven. Teacher asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?" "NO!" the children answered. Teacher asked them, "If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the yard, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?" Again, the answer was, "NO!" Teacher smiled. "Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave candy to all the children, would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again. Again, they all answered, "NO!" The teacher was just bursting with pride for them. "Well," she continued, "Then how can I get into Heaven?" A five-year-old girl shouted out, "YOU GOTTA BE DEAD."

Mary Anne: No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.

Michael: Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato.

Allison:  You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

Jonathan: You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.

Steve: The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.

Source: Kids say the darndest things.


Teresa Evangeline said...

thank you so much for the morning laughs. "into the hole he gooooes." Hilarious.

And, no, cats do not like to be baptized. I don't blame them. :)

Gerry Snape said...

I love the one about the robin's funeral....priceless!!

Thyra said...

Hello Teresa, they are so funny and it is so wonderful to have a laugh. The children at the robin's grave are quite visible to us! And they can still make us laugh.

Try to wash a cat if you don't know the taste of the soap.

Have a nice week-end!
Grethe `)

Thyra said...

Gerry, it is so funny, children can be more entertaining than a stand-up comedian and you don't have to buy tickets!

I like the father-story too. It's autumn vacation-time now - and there are many fathers downtown "on tour" with their little ones. If is see one of them in need then I'll say: " Don't get excited Albert", and he'll not have a clue what's happening to him ....

Have a lovely week-end. Have you heard that we'll get some heat from Sahara today here in North Europe? And pink rain from the desert dust?

Grethe ´)