When the driver stopped the school bus to pick up Chris for preschool, she noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" she asked. "Yes, "Chris said. "She's come to visit us." "How nice," the driver said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport." Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."
A man was pushing a cart in the supermarket - the cart contained a screaming, bellowing baby. The gentleman kept repeating softly, "Don't get excited, Albert. Don't scream, Albert. Don't yell, Albert. Keep calm, Albert." A woman standing next to him said, "You certainly are to be commended for trying to soothe your son Albert." The man looked at her and said, "Lady, I'm Albert."
A Mom tells this: While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my four-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, "The tooth fairy will never believe this!"
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!"
Mary Anne: No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
Michael: Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
Allison: You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Jonathan: You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Steve: The best place to be when you're sad is Grandpa's lap.
Source: Kids say the darndest things.